THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD. PEOPLE WHO ARRIVE AT THE AIRPORT HOURS BEFORE THEIR FLIGHT, AND THOSE WHO SKATE IN BY THE SKIN OF THEIR TEETH. MAY THEY NEVER MARRY.

I have learned a few things about relationships in my collective rotations around the sun—indicators of what can contribute to crazy-making, incompatible coupling.

As example;

~Morning person versus night person

~Atheist versus God-fearing

~iPhone versus Android

Or even the silent but deadly relationship crusher, boxers versus briefs. Ok, maybe this last one isn't high on the list and can be altered with some well thought out Christmas stocking stuffers. But this, for me, is right up there with swimming trunks versus banana hammocks. And as a North American girl, I do not have to tell you what side of the non-European ledger I fall on that one. 

With that, I want to address the elephant in the airport.

Perhaps even save a few of you some unnecessary time sticking it out with the wrong person.

This is more than the difference between those who travel with just a carry-on and those who check baggage.

Although let's not underestimate that dilemma. I'm talking about those who want, need, require, must have at least a two-hour window at the airport before their flight, and those adrenaline junkies who like sliding into the gate headfirst as the pilot turns on the fasten seatbelt sign. 

I recently travelled with a "friend" who fell into the "by the skin of their teeth" category. He even bragged proudly that he would be the last person boarding the plane if he had done his job correctly. Me, I like arriving with plenty of time. I get myself a Starbucks, see if I can find ice for my Swell bottle and try to work out if the Duty-Free is really any kind of bargain. FYI, if you are shopping in Gucci, it is not. 

For those "skin of your teeth" people, let me try and explain what goes on with us "others". There is an anxiety that starts hours before the Uber has been ordered. And it steadily builds into a frothy lather of mental insanity with every red light, traffic jam, stadium-like queue at the check-in desk or young family we get caught behind in the security line. 

We don't mind sitting at the gate, playing Candy Crush and checking our Insta as we sip our latte.

In fact, for me, these days, it's generally the only downtime I get before a flight as I now spend hours filling out locator forms, airline forms, trying to figure out why the printer isn't spitting out thus forms, or why my Covid vaccination QR code is not uploading.

We, my people and me, need to build into our travel time extraneous factors that might indeed delay the "down to the second" military timing you have so brilliantly calculated. And sure, if everything goes according to the exacting plan, there is a smug "I told you so" dressing down, as one is buckling into your seats and your heart rate is returning to a resting normal. But I'm just saying that might not add to the harmony if one is embarking on a romantic, 7 Night All-Inclusive holiday.

I have seen Democrats and diehard Trump supporters blend better than these two types of travellers, and why this isn't right on top of any online dating profile is beyond me.

In this frequent flyer’s opinion, and I’m going to be super blunt here, this type of coupling is doomed. I don't believe either side is really capable of being rewired. Not unlike the morning person/night person scenario. Sure, one can appease the other, but does it truly alter your predisposition….I think not. So if this is you and your partner may I strongly suggest either limiting your travelling to the Costco or save yourself a heap load of time and aggro, cut your losses and find someone new.

So before you put that non-refundable deposit on that wedding venue, do yourself a huge solid, book a trip to Cabo or some such place. See whom you really are about to commit to “til death do us part". 

And as for me, I am currently chilling in an airport lounge, sipping my latte, writing this blog. Time well spent? You tell me.