How to Tell You're Over 50 — Without Telling Me You're Over 50
We, as a generation, have never looked better. We eat healthier and use something other than Noxema and Ten-O-Six (brown-tinged rubbing alcohol) to clean our skin. We are acutely aware of the dangers of sun exposure, pushing many of us to richly slather our faces with a daily, solid SPF 50.
And, of course, science has allowed us to mask our age with tightening, lasering and injecting, and I, for one, say giddy-up.
But as I hang with my daughters, their friends, and others who fall into that "just a tad younger than me' category, there is something other than my neck and my well-moisturised, taunt complexion that gives my age away… and this is what I am writing about today. The little things that immediately tell everyone you are over 50 that even the best plastic surgeons can't help you with.
So let's see if you fall into this category.
How To Tell You’re Over 50 — Without Telling Me You're Over 50.
You not only remember the days before dial-up internet but recall the only way you could research or fact-check something was at the library or in encyclopaedias.
You remember both Darrens from Bewitched.
You know what a busy signal sounds like.
You boasted to a friend about the sensational afternoon nap you had.
You remember a time when you had to wait until you got home to check your answering machine to see who called.
As a child, the only way you had of telling the time was when the street lights came on.
You can fondly recall your first 45 RPM record. (Mine, Billie, Don't Be a Hero.)
You remember when a thong was a pair of flip-flops.
A pencil was a perfect tool to rewind the cassette tape when stuck in your Sony Walkman.
You recall when your home phone (yes, youngsters, there were phones in your home) got a serious upgrade when the dial went from rotary to push button.
You now struggle to think if there is nothing worse than going to a music festival.
You refused to stand in a queue for tickets for anything.
You drink sherry or port.
You know where you were when John Lennon was shot.
You took your film in to get it developed and often ordered the double prints for an extra couple of dollars.
Hair is growing where it shouldn't and not where it should.
You are starting too many sentences with "in my day".
You owned at least one of the following: a hula hoop, soap on a rope, clankers, a mood ring, or a pet rock.
You played KerPlunk, jacks, marbles, pick-up-sticks, tiddlywinks and Pong AND… were never bored.
You have been to a Roller Disco where, without question, they played Staying Alive.
You had at least one homemade Tie-dyed T-Shirt.
You know what kind of animal Skippy is.
Shake and Bake and Swanson's TV dinners were acceptable and welcome meals for dinner, as was Kraft Singles and Wonder Bread sandwich for lunch.
You either sang or danced along to The Streak, Kung Fu Fighting, King Tut, Disco Duck and at least one Weird Al Yankovic song.
When someone says Larry Hagman, you think of I Dream of Jeannie.
You need someone to explain the following words: lewk, bae, OG, cheugy, skrrt and simp.
Burned into your brain are the jumbled, erratic sounds of music and voices blurring together while dialling through the radio stations to find a good song.
you know exactly what this is.
And that's the way it is.
What ones have I missed? Tell me. What tells everyone you're over 50 without saying you're over 50?
I welcome your thoughts.
So, until next time, say good night, Christina. Good night Christina. (Look it up, youngsters).