Everyone Loves Bacon
Ok, maybe it's because I've been pretty much trapped in my flat for a year now, and my brain has gone a little funky. I mean, it's hard to be writing about A Broad In London if all I'm experiencing is a thirty-minute walk to the Waitrose (weather dependant) or my unsanctioned hair colouring in the dimly lit basement of my stylist's salon. I mean, we are living in a world right now where it's legal to roll yourself a big fatty and get high on the streets of Toronto but not get your hair highlighted. This world has gone to pot, literally.
But as I awoke to the smell of my neighbour's breakfast, the warm, inviting smoky heavenly scent of bacon wafting into my sleepy nostrils, I thought, I am going to write about bacon.
So what is it about bacon?
I don't have a single Jewish friend who doesn't eat this delicious pork fat, regardless of the Kosher kitchen their Bubbeh used to keep. In fact, I know two vegetarians who put bacon up there with tofu as an acceptable vegan food choice, believing that bacon doesn't count, as if it was some sort of glorious food exemption to the meat-eating rule.
So, why does everyone love bacon?
Some science tells us that humans have an innate craving for food containing salt, sugar and fat, and once fried up, that maple-cured breakfast meat hits the food trifecta. Salt, fat, sweet and crunch. It's the candy of meats.
I read that the average American eats eighteen pounds of bacon a year. I mean, that is a lot of pork fat. There is an International Bacon Day, September 4th, bacon ice-cream, bacon vodka and even bacon soap. Personally, I draw the line at soap.
Oscar Mayer released a bacon alarm clock, a device you attach to your smartphone that spews out a bacon smell when it's time to get up. Personally, unless my manservant is frying up that pork-baby in a skillet, I don't want to smell what I can't have.
There are Bacon-Of-The-Month clubs which is not a far-fetched idea. However, did you know that there is an honest to goodness dating app for bacon lovers? Called Sizzl, their website says, "When you're looking for love, you can only hope to find someone you love as much as bacon."
I can just imagine the questions on that dating app questionaire. Are you a crispy or chewy person? Do you prefer pork or turkey bacon? Or if there were only one slice left on a date, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Perhaps a few flirtatious intros like, don't go bacon my heart, or you had me at bacon. I mean, loves takes many forms, but I guess for some, there is nothing sexier than fried meat, a love is in the air love-match, or is that bacon? And I’m just going to add that singles putting bacon as a priority when looking for love aren’t looking like those clear skinned, models as pictured above. I mean check out Emma, she looks like Gwyneth Paltrow.
I think for me, bacon came screaming into my mainstream life when that fatty friendly food became a dietary mainstay of the Atkin's and Keto diets, much like celery sticks were to calorie counters everywhere. I mean, it is a slam dunk kind of question when dieting, a frying pan full of delicious bacon or the bland, watery world of celery? Can you imagine if vegetables smelt of bacon, our life expectancy on this planet would grow exponentially.
So there you have my blog about bacon. I welcome any feedback on the fatty subject, and if other food groups feel that they’ve been unfairly left out, please drop me a line and make your voice heard. Until then, remember, I can't make everybody happy, I am not bacon.
