What Brits Say: Versus What They Actually Mean

 You only have to set your feet down on British soil for minutes before you can see it. The differences, the quirks, the idiosyncrasies, the orderly queues in the rain. 

And let's face it, that’s what you’ve come for, right?  You don’t want to hop on a sleepless, transatlantic flight to London and not to get the full British experience.

Of course, not all differences are understood. As a Canadian, I confuse Brits. I speak like an American, spell like a Brit, and know just enough French words to seriously confuse a nation of people. 

So just like I might confuse the Brits, they too have elements of their British persona I have trouble understanding.

So, to save you all a heap load of time (and embarrassment) I have compiled a useful list to spare you my visiting tourist friends from making grave errors with the British vernacular. 

Your welcome. 

What Brits Say: Versus What They Actually Mean

Brits Say: I might join you later. 

Brits Mean: I won't’ be coming.

Brits Say: I don’t mind.

Brits Mean: This is a huge fucking problem

Brits Say: I’m just going for one.

Brits Mean: They will be shitfaced by the end of the night

Brits Say Fortnight. 

Brits Mean: Two weeks, not the game.

Brits Say: I’m skint.

Brits Mean: You will be picking up the check.

Brits Say: Don't get me wrong… or, to be honest. 

Brits Mean: A passive-aggressive disclaimer that you are about to be slammed with their truth. 

Brits Say: I’ll put the kettle on.

Brits Mean: There is a lengthy conversation coming your way. 

Brits Say: Whose round is it?

Brits Mean: A question only asked when they already know the answer, and the answer is, it is not theirs. 

Brits Say: Honestly, it's fine. 

Brits Mean: A warning that a personal meltdown is imminent.

Brits Say: Correct me if I’m wrong.

Brits Mean: They are about to prove why they are right, and you are not. 

Brits Say: Yeah, go on then.

Brits Mean: Their night of drinking has just been extended. 

Brits Say: Nice One. 

Brits Mean: Usually a sarcastic comment to something you did that you wish they hadn’t seen.

So there you have it. A brief, handy look at the “between the lines” understanding of the British lingo. I welcome any vernacular twists I might have missed. After all, the sooner we all learn bumming a fag is asking for a cigarette, the safer I think we all will be.