THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD. PEOPLE WHO ARRIVE AT THE AIRPORT HOURS BEFORE THEIR FLIGHT, AND THOSE WHO SKATE IN BY THE SKIN OF THEIR TEETH. MAY THEY NEVER MARRY.

I have learned a few things about relationships in my collective rotations around the sun—indicators of what can contribute to crazy-making, incompatible coupling.

As example;

Morning person versus night person

Atheist versus God-fearing

iPhone versus Android

Or even the silent but deadly relationship crusher, boxers versus briefs. Ok, maybe this last one isn't high on the list and can be altered with some well thought out Christmas stocking stuffers. But this, for me, is right up there with swimming trunks versus banana hammocks. And as a North American girl, I do not have to tell you what side of the non-European ledger I fall on that one.

With that, I want to address the elephant in the airport.

Perhaps even save a few of you some unnecessary time sticking it out with the wrong person. This is more than the difference between those who travel with just a carry-on and those who check baggage. Although let's not underestimate that dilemma. I'm talking about those who want, need, require, must have at least a two-hour window at the airport before their flight, and those adrenaline junkies who like sliding into the gate as the pilot turns on the fasten seatbelt sign.

Life Lessons, TravelChristina FordNovember 5, 2021travel, airport, morning person, coupling, traveller, Starbuck Comments

I Was Glowing Like a Girl Who Had Properly Got Plowed, or…. MY BEST FIRST DATE EVER!

I want to share with you my best first date story EVER! As a sexy, (I’m trying to own it) single woman over fifty, this date didn’t end with white picket fences, a Golden Retriever puppy and happily ever after. Hell, there wasn’t even a second date. The reason it was my best first date ever was it gave me an important answer to the question I frequently asked at my mirror, “how the fuck did I get here, and more importantly, who can I blame”?

It changed, in part, how I felt about myself, my age and the silent struggles adhered to the stigma of being a woman over fifty. Or in other words, it reflected a new mature stage in my female existence.

As a woman who came of age in the '80s, I nostalgically pined for the days when copious amounts of alcohol in smokey bars decided my man future.

Thus, I was not immediately lured into this modern online dating thing. Nope, this was not for me, I thought with heavy conviction laced with middle-aged judgement.

Important Lessons You Can Only Learn From Travelling Solo

It’s been said, once you get past a certain age, and for me, that was fifty, life becomes a little same:same. I had been chugging away at my career for eons, entrenched in a predictable relationship, and booked the same annual holidays spots with the kids in the name of “easy”.

An inevitable boredom seeped in that I just accepted as “age appropriate.”

Truth was, I had stopped growing. I had stopped learning about me…about life… about everything.

But it wasn’t until after a colossal, unpredictable breakup that something extraordinary happened. Not unlike Dorothy’s cyclone, my house, my life…my entire world was lifted up and dropped down hard. I was catapulted out of my comfortable, predictable life and jettisoned into a new, unexplored world.

I was suddenly single…again.

The Painful, Valuable Lessons I Learned From Being A Victim Of A Crime

I am not a paranoid person by nature. I don’t think everyone is out to get me. I don’t cross the road when I see a gaggle of young men in hoodies and baggy jeans walking towards me. And I don’t stroll with my keys laced between my fingers as I walk through a parking lot.

I am an aware, smart, keen observer of life, or so I believed.

After a fun night of singing and dancing away to Sister Sledge at the Soho House and still humming We Are Family, I arrive back at my flat around midnight to discover I had been burgled. A sick, thick feeling rose from the pit of my stomach that buckled my knees and sucked the oxygen from my lungs. My clothes were scattered across the room, jewellery boxes emptied and lying broken, and drawers were open and overturned.

I stood there breathlessly in this twilight moment, the numb space between reality and disbelief. I had been robbed.

Life LessonsChristina FordSeptember 10, 2021Burglary, Crime, lesssons, 999, 911, Insurance, Find My Phone Comments

London’s Best Afternoon Teas

Whether you are dining out or baking scones at home, the results are in, and I’m sharing them with you.

World’s best! How many times have we heard this? World’s best coffee, world’s best pizza, and if you live in England…

World’s Best Afternoon Tea.

Few things are more British than a cuppa tea with freshly baked scones with cream and jam.

BEST SCONE RECIPE EVER

Is there anything more British than a cuppa tea? Henry James said, there are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as "afternoon tea". What is it about this magic elixir that seems to make the problems of the day dissolve into the bottom of a teacup...at least temporarily. 165 million cups of tea are drunk everyday in the U.K, so the Brits might be onto something.

It’s A-Broad In London’s London Quiz

How well do you think you know London? Take the quiz. You are 25 questions away from impressing me.

LONDON’S 12 MOST PHOTOGRAPHED PUBS ~ I CAME, I DRANK, I INSTAGRAMMED

If you have visited London, let’s say in the last six hundred years or so, chances are good you have spent a little time in one of their 3,500 pubs. There is nothing so quintessentially British than raising a pint with your mates. These public houses have been the centre of British activity for centuries, not only serving up ale to the lads, lords and lasses but housing weary travellers, feeding ploughman lunches and Sunday roasts to families and hosting a variety of activities like darts and Quiz Nights.

Britain has pubs, America has bars.

Generally speaking, or should I say, generally drinking, pubs are different than your typical American bar culture. To start with, pubs are kid-friendly, often occupying pubs the same way Americans occupy coffee shops. But it’s more than that. They most usually have some fascinating history and tales to tell.

16 Must-Have Apps Everyone Over 40 absolutely Needs

I'm going to be straight up honest with you, this getting older thing has its disadvantages. I can throw my back out from trying to hold in a sneeze. I can walk into a room and completely blank out what I went in there for, and don't get me started about how my whole world comes to a grinding halt if I can't find my reading glasses.

Saying that I thought I would share with you 16 Must-Have Apps for us folk who have slipped into the other side of 40. And for you youngsters, take note, there might be a thing or two that might benefit you as well.

15 Awesome Perks and Benefits to Living Alone

Most of my life, I have been living with someone. Of course, it started with my parents and sisters. Those were the days with more rules than freedom, and blood was often shed, and fistfuls of hair torn from their roots when I'd find my sister wearing my new jean jacket she swore up and down she never took. Then I moved out and got roommates, and that too came with a whole set of compromises, general lack of personal space and questionable hygiene standards, i.e.) A clogged shower drain with hair clearly a different colour than my own. Then I got married…and had kids…and well, not only was I never alone, I was completely surrounded.

In the last couple of years, I have been blissfully living on my own. My kids are launched, no live-in boyfriend leaving the toilet seat up, the used teabag in the sink or the untimely discovery of an empty toilet roll, and I have to say it is unparalleled rapture.

Life Lessons, Things I LoveChristina FordJuly 9, 2021Single, Single Ladies, perks Comments

10 Things Brits Do That Drive Me Crazy

Ok, maybe it has been the result of the last year and a half stretching everyone, including myself, Petrie dish thin. But I’ve been finding my tolerance lower than usual. I mean sub-zero, don’t look at me the wrong way, or I might have to squash your will to live, kinda low. As a result, a few things have bubbled to the surface I thought I’d take the time to share.

There are some things that the Brits do that I fail to understand or tolerate. I’m guessing there is an equally compelling list of rants that I’m sure drive Brits mental about their North American counterparts. And please…my British readers, bring forth your list.

Sure there are stereotypes between the stand-offish, horse-loving snobs with bad teeth versus the gun-wielding, overweight loud Trump supporters who want to Super Size everything. But for the most part, that’s not what my rant is about. On both sides of the ocean, there are good and not so good traits and customs.

A BROAD IN LONDON'S 20 LIFE HACKS FOR THE SINGLE GIRL

So you tell me single ladies, has this happened to you?

You are getting ready for a night out, you slip into that sensational, sexy tight dress, the one you know is going to slay, and you realize, that the last six inches of that back zipper is impossible for you to do up by yourself. I mean, not a chance. Perhaps this is the real reason women do yoga, to develop the contortion like flexibility in ones’ shoulders to enable you to do this task yourself. Sorry, but do designers think I have a ladies-maid dressing me? I am not Lady Mary Crawley.

Mad Magazine’S Genius Zodiac Summary…It Ain't No Bull.

That’s A Lot Of Bull….A Brilliant Mad Magazine Zodiac Summary.

If you’re of a certain vintage and grew up in North America, if I said Alfred E. Neuman immediately that redhead, gapped tooth cover-boy should instantly spring to mind. The face that looks a lot like David Letterman in cartoon form smiling at us from the covers of Mad Magazine.

Mad Magazine was a fixture of my childhood. A satirical humorous slam deep into the hub of the 20th century cultural landscape.

So you might be asking yourself, so what does the Zodiac and Mad Magazine have to do with each other? Well, I’ll tell you. It is where I first read the most dead accurate horoscope profile EVER. It so resonated with me that decades later I could find myself reciting by heart lines from its brilliant astrological summary. I mean who could forget…

“Sagittarius you will find will say whatever’s on his mind.”

That literally could describe every Sagittarius I have ever known...and dated.

So I thought I would dig up Mad’s Zodiac and see what you think. I dare you to contradict the brilliant, accurate summary of each and every Zodiac sign.

WHAT YOU CAN SAY AT DINNER...THAT YOU CAN ALSO SAY DURING SEX

So, yup, it has come to this. Sex!

And it doesn't hurt having my favourite Canadian family, The Roses from Schitt’s Creek, joining me from their diner.

With the word “sex” prominently featured in my headline, I believe I have secured your attention, at least for the moment. The real question will be, if this word “sex” lures more of you into reading this than the word “bacon”? My last blog about that fabulous fatty breakfast meat weirdly was my most opened blog in my blogger history. Seriously, bacon!!!

So, let’s see if more of you are interesting in sex… or bacon?

I was playing this game with a friend of mine that inspired me to write this blog, What You Can Say At A Dinner Party That You Can Also Say During Sex. This I found entertainingly rude, like Cards Against Humanity, funny, and certainly more creative than your average game of charades.

Everyone Loves Bacon

Ok, maybe it's because I've been pretty much trapped in my flat for a year now, and my brain has gone a little funky. I mean, it's hard to be writing about A Broad In London if all I'm experiencing is a thirty-minute walk to the Waitrose (weather dependant) or my unsanctioned hair colouring in the dimly lit basement of my stylist's salon. I mean, we are living in a world right now where it's legal to roll yourself a big fatty and get high on the streets of Toronto but not get your hair highlighted. This world has gone to pot, literally.

Eat Me, Food, Things I LoveChristina FordMarch 26, 2021bacon, Oscar Mayer, Dating app, Sizzl, long live bacon Comments

13 THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN 2021

Well, I am just going to go ahead and say it, Good Riddance 2020. Absolutely no one is going to miss you. I recognize that we are only a short time into this new year but I am cautiously optimistic that good things are coming our way. Sure not all of it will be immediate, but soon…and with the promise that 2021 will be greatly improved over its predecessor. I am looking forward to doing stuff, I am looking forward to stuff to look forward to…does that make any sense? What 2020 has taught us that even with the best-laid plans things can go awry, off the rails…and sometimes there is squat one can do about it.

CHRISTMAS 2020. HO, HO...FRICKIN HO!

Well, it’s that time again this year… or is it?

You don’t need to hear from me to tell you how unusual this year has been or how this time has been challenging, God, don’t we all know it. There has been many a time I just want to run from my flat screaming, “Screw you 2020, you’re not the boss of me.” But in fact, it has been the boss of me… the boss of all of us.

AMERICA, WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO YOU?

America, I don’t understand.

I am a Canadian woman living in Great Britain. I tell you this because I am neither a Republican or Democrat. Nor am I interested in being corralled by my American friends who find the need to identify, sort, convert and brand me to any form of their country’s politics.

I am however a moralistic human being who does not believe that government, church, state, priests, rabbis, teachers or anyone for that matter should tell me who I can love, who I should hate and what I can do with my body. I believe in being kind to strangers, that no lives matter unless black lives matter. That bullies cannot be placated to, equal rights for all, you know…all the basic stuff they taught us in kindergarten.

As a Canadian, I grew up idolizing you America. An incredible superpower country that leads by shining example. Whose gold standards created benchmarks for literature, cinema, science, democracy and medicine which led and inspired the world to do better. I looked up to you much like a little kid idolizing an older brother or sister. Cooler, bigger, stronger, smarter, more popular and always…always made me feel safe. But America you now terrify me

The Man Catalogue. What A Man's Online Dating Photo Says Instantly About The Guy

There are three great tellers of truth, Children, yoga pants, and a man’s online dating photo.

So let us discuss the later, those murky often funky waters of online dating.

This of course told thru the filter of someone old enough to nostalgically and fondly remember when my sole decision-making of a potential partner would all but be decided by a drunken fuelled evening in a bar called Brandy’s.

I guess you can call me kinda old fashioned in that regard. Back in an era of jam-packed bars and nightclubs (remember those?) with bodies pressed so close you could smell the battle between his warm, Barcardi infused breath on your neck and his Jovan Musk For Men that he clearly bathed in earlier. A cute smile and one too many tequila slammers and that was it. The next thing you know you are picking out china patterns and arguing why his friend Snake under no circumstances will be sitting at the same table as your friend Bunny at the reception. Personally I think it is obvious.

My 14 DAY Quarantine. It Was Like I Was Trapped In A Bad Episode Of Black Mirror

I recently returned to Toronto from the UK to spend the sweet, hot months of summer in my Motherland. The most cherished time of the year that all Canadians live for, have valiantly earned, yet still, actively bitch about. It is why we endure the harsh brutal cold of winter, excavating our cars from under a heavy slab of snow like some archeological dig. Running our white numb fingertips under hot water to regain the use of our hands. We more than any other people have earned every minute of every day that the sun is beating down on our pale white Canadian skins.

So when I had to spend 14 days in quarantine in the height of summer I found it way harder and more like a psychological experiment. Like I was trapped in a bad episode of Black Mirror.

A-BROAD IN LONDON

A Survival Guide To Life, Travel & Being Sensationally Single

With that, I want to address the elephant in the airport.

As a woman who came of age in the '80s, I nostalgically pined for the days when copious amounts of alcohol in smokey bars decided my man future.

An inevitable boredom seeped in that I just accepted as “age appropriate.”

I am an aware, smart, keen observer of life, or so I believed.

I stood there breathlessly in this twilight moment, the numb space between reality and disbelief. I had been robbed.

Whether you are dining out or baking scones at home, the results are in, and I’m sharing them with you.

World’s Best Afternoon Tea.

Few things are more British than a cuppa tea with freshly baked scones with cream and jam.

Britain has pubs, America has bars.

So you tell me single ladies, has this happened to you?

“Sagittarius you will find will say whatever’s on his mind.”

So, yup, it has come to this. Sex!

Well, it’s that time again this year… or is it?

America, I don’t understand.

There are three great tellers of truth, Children, yoga pants, and a man’s online dating photo.

This of course told thru the filter of someone old enough to nostalgically and fondly remember when my sole decision-making of a potential partner would all but be decided by a drunken fuelled evening in a bar called Brandy’s.

A-BROAD IN LONDON

A Survival Guide To Life, Travel & Being Sensationally Single

With that, I want to address the elephant in the airport.

As a woman who came of age in the '80s, I nostalgically pined for the days when copious amounts of alcohol in smokey bars decided my man future.

An inevitable boredom seeped in that I just accepted as “age appropriate.”

I am an aware, smart, keen observer of life, or so I believed.

I stood there breathlessly in this twilight moment, the numb space between reality and disbelief. I had been robbed.

Whether you are dining out or baking scones at home, the results are in, and I’m sharing them with you.

World’s Best Afternoon Tea.

Few things are more British than a cuppa tea with freshly baked scones with cream and jam.

Britain has pubs, America has bars.

So you tell me single ladies, has this happened to you?

“Sagittarius you will find will say whatever’s on his mind.”

So, yup, it has come to this. Sex!

Well, it’s that time again this year… or is it?

America, I don’t understand.

There are three great tellers of truth, Children, yoga pants, and a man’s online dating photo.

This of course told thru the filter of someone old enough to nostalgically and fondly remember when my sole decision-making of a potential partner would all but be decided by a drunken fuelled evening in a bar called Brandy’s.

A Broad in London